Intuition’s Pain
You see through people, past their facade, past all they want everyone to believe about them, about the situation. It’s so clear, ever since you were a little girl. Year after year, you learn again that your intuition and instincts are right, to a disconcerting degree.
It’s annoying, really. Life would be much simpler if you didn’t see so much.
Your ability to trust is decimated. It’s not that you don’t want to trust. You wish you could. But each time you push aside the whispered warning in your head, you regret it. Every time.
You know instinctively what people are (or are not) capable of, whether public figure, stranger, family, lover, friend, or foe. And they always show themselves, eventually. Right again.
Those around you say your imagination is getting the best of you. That you’re crazy, or paranoid, or jaded, or broken. Maybe you are all of that.
Whatever. None of that means your intuition is wrong.
They criticize you for expressing fear or concern about a person or a situation. They say you’re too judgmental, that just because you’ve encountered some bad things doesn’t mean everyone is bad.
Maybe. But just because someone isn’t at the far end of evil doesn’t mean they’re good, either. Bad is a spectrum. Anyone is capable of anything under the right, or perhaps wrong, circumstances.
Others make you question yourself and second guess your intuition. Even though others are often wrong about who they trust. And they’re nearly always wrong when they say what you know in your gut can’t possibly be true.
So, why do you still listen to those who doubt you and who lead you to doubt yourself? Why do you trust the others more than yourself, when you know better by now?
This is the messed up part. Despite all you’ve seen, you still so badly want to be wrong when you glimpse a person’s darkness, especially when no one else sees it (yet). No matter how many times your intuition and instincts prove to be correct, you can’t help wishing they weren’t.
So, you choose to let the others convince you to ignore what you know at your core. Those are the times you’re wrong, and your silenced doubts prove justified.
Best case, it’s quite benign, like trusting the server’s meal recommendation. Worst case, well….
Trust yourself. Protect yourself. And to hell with the others.